http://www.empoweringparents.com/?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidgetThe Articles For Effective Parentinghttp://affiliates.legacypublishingcompany.com/RSS/index.php?format=skinhttp://www.EmpoweringParents.com/http://empoweringparents.com/images/ep_rss_logo.JPG \n http://www.empoweringparents.com/Parenting-Teens-Parental-Authority-Vs-Peer-Pressure.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget It"s one of the hardest things parents deal with: even if you"re trying to raise your child the right way, as soon as he walks out the door, you know he"s going to be exposed to all sorts of negative even dangerous influences. From dress to attitude to a popular culture that says it"s cool to drink and do drugs, parents have every right to be concerned. Are you afraid to send your child out the door? In this insightful one on one interview, James Lehman gives you some honest advice. 2010-07-20 10:46:51 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/Bribing-Kids-Vs-Rewarding-Kids-Whats-The-Difference.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget Many parents wonder what the difference is between a bribe and a reward. After all, in both instances, your child is getting something for doing what you want him to do. But when is this helpful in teaching him better behavior, and when is it harmful? Parental Support Line Advisor, Erin Schlicher explains. 2010-07-07 09:00:03 Erin Schlicher, Parental Support Line Advisor http://www.empoweringparents.com/Do-You-Feel-Like-Your-Childs-Behavior-is-Your-Fault.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget When you"re the parent of an acting-out child, it"s easy to feel as if you"re to blame for their behavior. As a result, you can fall into the trap of trying to fix things for your child instead of letting them deal with the natural and logical consequences of their behavior. In this interview, James Lehman explains some of the ineffective roles parents fall into, and tells you why it"s important to identify what you"re doing so you can change and help your child change, too. 2010-06-22 16:45:21 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/Restless-and-Bored.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget Summer vacation has arrived, and so have calls to the support line from parents who are pulling their hair out about their kids now that school is out. Why is the end of school an invitation for kids to cause trouble with siblings, friends and parents? 2010-06-22 16:36:08 Erin Schlicher, Parental Support Line Advisor http://www.empoweringparents.com/Rudeness-And-Disrespect-How-Kids-Try-To-Defuse-It.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget "I was just kidding! Can"t you take a joke?" If your child gives you this excuse after he"s said or done something rude, it might leave you feeling frustrated and unsure of how to handle the situation. Later, you might question yourself when he says, "But I didn"t mean it that way." In this article, James Lehman explains why disrespect and inappropriate behavior are really nothing to laugh at no matter what the excuse. 2010-06-10 16:04:31 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/A-Message-From-Janet-Lehman.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget My son, Jeremy, and I would like to thank all of you who have written such beautiful stories about how my husband, James Lehman, and The Total Transformation Program have made a positive difference in your lives. I, too, am a social worker. James and I both felt that it is a beautiful thing to be able to help others...and boy, he certainly did. 2010-06-10 17:10:31 Janet Lehman http://www.empoweringparents.com/in-memory-of-james-lehman.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget To Our Empowering Parents Family: It is with deep sadness that we come to you today with this news. Our dear friend, colleague and teacher, James Lehman, has passed away after a long illness. We are heartbroken at the loss and committed to carrying on James" legacy of hope and change. James Lehman"s life story is one of overcoming seemingly impossible adversity and helping others do the same. His was "a life of great radiance," as one of his close friends shared with us this week. Below is my own personal tribute to James. I hope you"ll share your thoughts on James and his work by leaving a comment for EP readers. 2010-06-03 14:23:22 Elisabeth Wilkins, Empowering Parents Editor http://www.empoweringparents.com/Consistent-Parenting-Unlock-The-Secret.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget "Being consistent is the hardest thing of all," many parents tell us. And it's so true it"s easy to lay down a rule and then let it slide when you"re tired or in a hurry. In this article, James Lehman explains why consistency is the key to your child"s behavior and tells you ways to keep on track when you feel like giving up. 2010-05-25 13:43:48 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/Why-Child-Counseling-Doesnt-Always-Work.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget Have you sent your acting-out, verbally abusive or behaviorally-disordered child to counseling, only to find that it didn't improve his behavior at all? Or maybe counseling worked for awhile, but then your child fell back into the same old patterns of behavior. Counseling for kids can be effective and helpful, but not all counseling is the same. We sat down with James Lehman to hear what he had to say about finding the right type of counseling for your child and the kind of training parents need to become the "agents of change" in their families. 2010-05-17 17:19:32 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/The-Benefits-of-Natural-Consequences.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget Watching your child fail makes you feel helpless, angry and sad. You worry about everything from your child"s self-esteem and social development to their future success. James Lehman explains that while it"s natural for parents to worry about failure, there are times when it can be productive for kids and a chance for them to change. 2010-05-11 11:54:54 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/Tips-to-Combat-Parental-Burnout.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget Are you often exhausted as a parent? Do you regularly feel drained, overwhelmed and off-balance when it comes to raising your kids? This week, Erin Schlicher, a mom and parental support line advisor for the Total Transformation Program, gives you some concrete advice on how to juice up your parental batteries and get back on firmer ground. 2010-05-03 17:12:12 Erin Schlicher, Parental Support Line Advisor http://www.empoweringparents.com/Setting-Limits-with-Difficult-Kids-How-to-Get-Them-to-Listen.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget How many times has this happened to you? You set a limit on behavior, and your kids ask, "Why?" or ignore your limits entirely. Or perhaps it"s a war of inches your adolescent tests you by coming in a few minutes later past curfew each time he goes out. Then he accuses you of being petty when you enforce the limit with a consequence. No matter the method, it"s infuriating for parents when their kids push against the structure they set. And for some parents, it"s hard to limit their child"s behavior in the first place. How can you set limits effectively and get your kids to listen? James Lehman explains how in this article. 2010-04-26 15:45:31 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/Sassy-Kids-How-to-Deal-with-a-Mouthy-Child.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget Are you tired of disrespectful talk from your kids? Do your children respond with eye-rolling and sarcasm to everything you say? Most if not all kids go through phases when they are sassy, mouthy, or disrespectful. As a parent, it"s hard to know when to let it slide and when to address the problem. James Lehman explains where to draw the line and tells you how you can manage sassy talk in your home. 2010-04-19 15:46:16 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/Is-It-Time-to-Call-the-Police-on-Your-Child.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget There are times when your authority as a parent isn"t enough. If your adolescent has escalated to the point of physical abuse and destruction of property or if he is engaging in risky or dangerous behavior outside the house you already know you need help. Calling the police on your child poses a risk that you might not be willing to take, but it"s an option you might want to consider. James Lehman tackles this tough subject in a frank one-on-one interview. 2010-04-13 12:00:48 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/Its-Never-Too-Late-7-Ways-to-Start-Parenting-More-Effectively.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget Many parents write in to Empowering Parents and ask, "Is it too late to change the way I parent my child and will it actually work if I do?" In this article, James Lehman explains how you can change the way you parent, and why your child"s behavior has a much better chance of improving when you do. James gives you 7 ways to be a more effective parent, starting today. 2010-04-06 12:50:31 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/Blended-Family-The-5Secrets-of-Effective-Stepparenting.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget Parenting is never easy, but when you have a blended family with bio-kids and stepkids, your spouse"s ex, and other extended family members thrown into the mix things can get very difficult very quickly. We receive questions every week in Empowering Parents from readers who ask: "How can I discipline my stepkids effectively and get their respect? No matter what I do, they just won"t listen to me." Carri and Gordon Taylor, nationally recognized experts on creating thriving stepfamilies, have answers that have worked for countless stepparents. 2010-04-06 14:15:26 Carri and Gordon Taylor http://www.empoweringparents.com/7-Tools-to-Stop-Fighting-in-School-and-at-Home.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget In part 2 of this two-part series, James discusses exactly what to do when your children get in trouble for fighting at school or at home and the right kinds of consequences to give them so they learn to use appropriate behavior instead of lashing out when they feel like hitting someone the next time. Read on to find out the steps you can take toward resolving the problem of fighting at school, plus get advice on how to handle fights that break out between siblings at home! 2010-03-29 16:54:05 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/Aggressive-Child-Behavior-Part-I-Fighting-in-School-and-at-Home.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget Does your child always seem to get in trouble for fighting? You"ve tried talking to him, but the aggressive behavior hasn"t stopped he still roughhouses with his siblings at home to the point of injury, brawls with kids on the bus and gets into fistfights at school. In part 1 of this two-part series on aggressive child and teen behavior, James Lehman explains why kids get into fights in the first place and tells you the three basic types of fighting that you need to address as a parent. 2010-03-22 17:34:24 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/Five-Common-Thinking-Errors-Kids-Make.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget Does your child refuse to take responsibility for everything? Or maybe your teen plays the victim card and is a pro at turning around an argument so you feel like you"re the one to blame. What you probably don"t realize is your child is using "thinking errors" to get his way and to get out of doing things. In this follow-up to the recent article in EP on "Child Outbursts", James Lehman unlocks the mystery of your child"s excuse-making, blaming and fighting. 2010-03-15 13:11:16 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/Passive-Aggressive-Child-Behavior-Hidden-Anger-in-Kids.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget Does your child take forever to get up, eat breakfast and do his homework and chores? You nag, threaten and repeat yourself, but he still doesn"t seem to pay attention to anything you say. Here, James Lehman explains the passive-aggressive ways kids control you and how they use it to avoid responsibility. 2010-03-09 10:20:25 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/Child-Outbursts-Why-Kids-Blame-Make-Excuses-and-Fight-When-You-Challenge-Their-Behavior.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget Arguing with kids often seems like a losing battle and it is. No matter what you say, your child has a smart comeback that pushes your buttons or leaves you speechless. And worst of all, when your child is angry, nothing is fair, and it"s never his fault. James Lehman explains how, in any argument, your child might set different "traps" for you to fall into. Once you know what these traps are, you"ll be able to avoid them and hold your child accountable. Here, James translates what your child is really saying during an argument. 2010-03-02 09:52:53 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/Kids-Who-Ignore-Consequences-10-Ways-to-Make-Them-Stick.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget Does your child ignore every consequence you give him? This week, James Lehman gives you 10 specific ways to make consequences work even for the most resistant child. 2010-02-23 09:30:56 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/8-Ways-to-Manage-Acting-out-Kids.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget In part two of this series, James discusses eight ways to challenge acting out behavior in kids today from disrespect to breaking curfew to alcohol and substance abuse in order to start changing your child's behavior tomorrow. 2010-02-16 09:45:09 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/Out-of-Control-Teen-Behavior-Is-It-an-Adolescent-Phase.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget "Every teen goes through this!" You tell yourself these words, but in the back of your mind, you wonder if your child"s disrespect, acting out and destructive behavior really is normal. How do you know if your child is going through an adolescent phase, or if his out-of-control behavior is here to stay? James Lehman has the answer in Part 1 of this 2-part series in Empowering Parents. 2010-02-08 15:19:14 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/Child-and-Teens-Failing-School-How-to-Help-Your-Kid-Stay-Afloat.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget Is your child failing in school? Maybe he started out full of enthusiasm, but now his grades are slipping, his attitude is bad and he seems to be falling through the cracks. If your child has hit a slump midway through the school year, you are not alone. James Lehman has some advice for you today on what you can do now to get your child back on track. 2010-02-02 11:09:49 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/Your-Child-is-Not-Your-Equal-Why-You-Have-to-Be-the-Boss.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget As a parent, if you aren"t the boss in your family, the lines of authority can become blurred very quickly. When your children are unsure about who's really in charge, they often act out, engage in risky behavior, or become extremely bossy and patronizing as a result. And eventually you start to resent them because you don't have a way to tell them what to do. You"ve effectively lost control. 2010-01-27 10:18:06 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/Parenting-Rules-That-Dont-Work-How-to-Separate-Fact-from-Fiction.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget Even before you become a parent, you start forming ideas about how you"ll raise your child. You get advice about it from all sides your own parents and family, your friends, and books by so-called experts tell you "the rules" of good parenting. But most people soon find out that some of these techniques are simply fads and many of them don"t work at all. Read on to see what James Lehman thinks are the top five most ineffective parenting concepts out there. 2010-01-20 11:24:52 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/I-Love-My-Child-But-Sometimes-I-Cant-Stand-Him.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget You"d do anything for your child, but you feel guilty about admitting the truth, even to yourself sometimes you don"t like him very much. It"s a secret that many parents of acting-out kids share, but rarely confess to anyone. James Lehman explains how dealing with a difficult child can take its toll on the parent-child relationship, and he gives you some practical advice on how to handle it. 2010-01-13 09:37:49 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/Anger-with-an-Angle-Is-Your-Child-Using-Anger-to-Control-You.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget Have your child"s angry outbursts worn you down so much that you"ve simply learned to give in? You should know that this is not a phase or a behavior that will "just go away on its own." Read on to discover 5 things you can do to stop your child from using "Anger with an Angle" today. 2010-01-06 10:53:20 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/Parents-of-Troubled-Children-are-not-the-Problem-They-are-the-Solution.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget Do you feel like your family members, your kid"s teachers, and even counselors blame you for your child"s acting out behavior? You"re not alone. As James Lehman says, there are countless parents out there "living in little prisons" feeling trapped, isolated, and ashamed of their child's defiant or out of control behavior. If you're in this situation, James has a message for you: you aren't your child's problem you are the solution. 2009-12-30 08:52:54 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/How-to-Create-a-Culture-of-Accountability-in-Your-Home.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget The father's voice on the other end of the Parental Support Line sounded exhausted and overwhelmed when he said, "I know you told me that I have to hold my child accountable, but what exactly does that mean?" 2009-12-15 15:02:15 Megan Devine, Parental Support Line Advisor http://www.empoweringparents.com/My-Child-Thinks-He-is-the-Boss.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget Why do some kids try to become the so-called "alpha dogs" of their families? The answer lies in an old saying: Nature abhors a vacuum. And in my experience, if there's a vacuum of power in a family, somebody's going to try to fill it. 2009-12-08 16:32:30 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/I-Want-It-Now-How-to-Challenge-a-False-Sense-of-Entitlement-in-Kids.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget Almost as soon as your child begins to talk, you"ll start to hear him ask for things. In fact, when an infant cries, he"s asking for food or to be made more comfortable. By the time he reaches the age of four or five, his constant refrain becomes: "Can I have this, Mom? Can I have that?" The unending requests for new toys or candy and an "I want it now" attitude may follow you every time you go to the store. 2009-12-02 11:19:32 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/Why-Do-Kids-Children-Teens-Bully-and-How-to-Stop-Bullies.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget Why do some kids turn to bullying? The answer is simple: it solves their social problems. After all, it's easier to bully somebody than to work things out, manage your emotions, and learn to solve problems. Bullying is the proverbial "easy way out," and sadly, some kids take it. 2009-11-23 14:33:48 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/Sudden-Behavior-Changes-in-Children-Part-II-7-Things-You-Can-Do-Today.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget This week, James tells you how to handle the specific changes you might suddenly see in your child during adolescence, from backtalk to attitude to slipping grades. 2009-11-17 09:52:31 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/Sudden-Behavior-Changes-in-Kids-Part-1-What-Do-They-Mean.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget In part one of this two-part series, James Lehman explains why kids change so much during adolescence, and he warns us about the sudden changes of which every parent needs to be aware. 2009-11-11 11:38:10 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/No-Means-No-How-to-Teach-Your-Child-that-You-Mean-Business.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget I think a lot of parents feel it"s important to explain their reasoning to their children in an attempt to get them to understand. Realize that along the way, wanting your child to understand can easily shift into wanting their approval, or their acceptance of your reasons. When this happens, parents can get stuck in a dynamic where they're over-explaining things to their children. I personally think that once you"ve given your child a reasonable amount of input, any further explanation defeats the purpose. 2009-11-04 10:26:09 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/Homework-Hell-Part-II-7-Real-Techniques-That-Work.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget Many parents write in to EP about homework battles with their kids. They want to know what to do about a child who procrastinates or who just can"t seem to stay focused on the task at hand. This week James Lehman shares tried and true methods to get kids to sit down and do the work. 2009-10-28 10:32:48 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/Homework-Hell-Part-l-How-to-Turn-It-Around.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget Has homework time become the seventh circle of hell in your house, with you nagging your kids to do their assignments and fighting with them over each math problem? If you and your child are battling nightly over schoolwork, read on to hear the real solutions James Lehman offers to this frustrating problem, in Part I of Homework Hell. 2009-10-21 11:16:36 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/Why-Misreading-Social-Cues-Leads-to-Acting-Out-Behavior.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget Does your child often perceive himself as being right when he"s wrong and wrong when he"s right? Some children have a hard time picking up on other people"s expressions, body language or social cues. These kids are often prone to thinking they"re being disapproved of or disliked when they"re not. 2009-10-14 12:55:39 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/Consequences-For-When-Runaway-Children-Want-to-Come-Home.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget For kids, running away is like taking a long, dangerous timeout. They may use it to avoid some difficulty at home, or to hide from something that"s embarrassing to them. You can also look at running away as a power struggle, because kids will often run instead of taking responsibility for their actions or complying with house rules. Above all, as a parent, what you don't want to do is give it power. That's the cardinal rule: do not give this behavior power. 2009-10-07 11:27:45 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/Parenting-Differences-How-Your-Child-May-Be-Using-it-Against-You.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget What do you do when your spouse doesn"t parent the same way you do? Hands-down, this is one of the most frequently asked questions we receive at Empowering Parents. "I want to set limits and give consequences, but he thinks I"m being too hard on our kids," said one mother recently. "I"m tired of being the bad guy all the time!" Not only is that unhealthy for your relationship, it"s not good for your children, who often use that lack of agreement to take advantage of the situation. James Lehman, MSW, sat down with EP Editor Elisabeth Wilkins to talk about this difficult issue. 2009-09-29 16:57:07 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/Runaway-Teens-Why-They-Do-It-and-How-to-Stop-Them.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget It"s every parent"s worst nightmare you go to check on your child in the middle of the night, and he"s not there. Your heart starts pounding and you fly into panic mode, calling his friends, your relatives, and the police. Whether or not your child has run away or threatened to do so or you fear that he might it"s vital that you read this article. James Lehman has worked with runaway youth for many years, and in this new EP series he explains why kids run away, ways you can stop them, and how to handle their behavior when they come home. 2009-09-23 11:40:17 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/7-Ways-to-Get-Back-Your-Parental-Authority.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget In part two of this series, James gives you 7 ways to get back parental control and stop living in fear of your child"s tantrums and acting-out behavior. 2009-09-15 11:40:35 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/Are-You-Afraid-of-Your-Acting-Out-Child.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget Do you walk on eggshells around your child, afraid of doing anything to set him off? Do you appease him when you notice he"s winding up to throw a tantrum? In part one of a two-part series, James Lehman, MSW explains how fear of acting-out behavior sets up a dangerous pattern for your child and the whole family. 2009-09-09 10:25:19 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/Young-kids-acting-out-in-school.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget If you"re the parent of a young child who acts out at school, you"ve probably asked yourself, "If my child is out of control now, how will I be able to deal with him when he"s ten or a teenager?" Once a toddler or kindergartner becomes known as a child who "plays too rough" or "always has to have his way," parents often find that invitations to playdates and birthday parties begin to dry up. Instead of hoping your child will be well-liked at school, you might be saying to yourself, "If only Ben could find just one friend to play with and maintain that friendship for longer than a day!" 2009-09-02 14:19:20 Dr. Joan Simeo Munson http://www.empoweringparents.com/Is-Your-Child-or-Teen-Hanging-Out-With-the-Wrong-Crowd.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget I've worked with a lot of children and teens with behavior problems over the years and believe me, very few of their parents liked their friends. It's like the national anthem of parents: "It's not my child; it"s those kids he hangs out with!" When I hear that, I always say, "Maybe that's so, but the reason he hangs out with that group is because he's similar to them. And just like you're saying, "It's those other kids he hangs out with," those other kids" parents are saying it's your kid who"s the problem." 2009-08-26 15:00:22 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/Acting-Out-in-School-When-Your-Child-is-the-Class-Troublemaker.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget Every parent of an acting-out child knows that once your kid has a reputation for being a troublemaker at school, it's very difficult to undo that label. That"s because your child becomes the label; when the teacher looks at him, she often just sees a troublemaker. Sadly, it's very hard to change that image, because even when your child tries harder, the label is reinforced when he slips up. And then he's really got problems, because not only is he still a troublemaker now he's seen as a manipulator, too. 2009-08-18 16:31:21 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/A-Day-in-the-Mind-of-Your-Defiant-Child.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget If you"re the parent of a defiant child, you"ve probably wondered what makes him so angry at life and angry at you. With the school year approaching, are you gearing up for another difficult year with your child, just hoping that he"ll make it through and that you"ll be able to manage without falling apart? Realize that it doesn"t have to be a daily battle of wills once you understand what"s actually going on in your child"s head. 2009-08-12 12:00:10 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/How-To-Get-Your-Unmotivated-Child-On-Track-Before-School-Starts.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget In Part II of Motivating Underachievers, James explains what you can do to get your child on track before school starts and how you can motivate them to do their school work during the year. 2009-08-05 11:31:12 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/Motivating-Underachievers-The-Truth-about-Unmotivated-Kids.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget Are you facing the new school year with dread because you have an unmotivated or underachieving teen or pre-teen? Is your child"s answer to everything, "I don"t care" or "It doesn"t matter?" In Part I of this two-part series, James Lehman, MSW explains why your child does have motivation and how you can coach them to better behavior. 2009-07-29 15:43:19 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/Child-Giving-You-the-Silent-Treatment-Getting-Kids-To-Talk.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget Kids use the silent treatment as a way to freeze you out, to get you to leave them alone, and to push your buttons. What most parents don"t realize is that under the surface, something else is going on: the silent treatment is giving your child a feeling of power and control over you. 2009-07-27 06:00:56 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/My-Child-Will-Never-Change-Their-Behavior.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget Have you ever listened to parenting advice, all the while thinking, "That won"t work with my child nothing does. He"s too difficult; no one can get through to him." If you"ve ever felt this way, stop what you"re doing and read this article. 2009-07-21 00:00:00 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/how-to-stop-a-screaming-match-with-your-screaming-child.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget If yelling worked, parenting would be easy, wouldn't it? We"d simply shout, "Do it!" and our kids would comply. But here"s the truth: it doesn't work. I've told parents, "Look, if screaming at our kids was effective, I'd be out of business. You'd just be able to yell at your child and he'd change. Or you'd bring your child to my office, I'd shout at him and call him names for 45 minutes, and then he'd go home and be nice for a week." 2009-07-14 08:40:14 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/Obnoxious-Children-When-an-Audience-Makes-Behavior-Worse.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget Does your child"s behavior become more obnoxious, demanding and "smart-alecky" when he has an audience? Some kids just seem to "step up the show" as soon as their friends come over. You"ll see this happening with both kids who are occasionally out of line, and those who are obnoxious chronically. 2009-06-30 16:45:52 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/How-to-Get-Kids-to-Do-Chores.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget Getting kids to do chores is one of the most common arguments families have. Who can"t relate to this picture? You"re yelling, "Why haven"t you cleaned your room yet?" while your child is on the couch watching TV, shouting back, "I"ll do it later!" 2009-06-24 13:45:46 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/How-to-Avoid-Power-Struggles-with-Defiant-Children.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget Do you find yourself caught in a constant tug-of-war with your child, with no idea how to nip escalating fights over power in the bud? If you're caught in a battle of wills in your home, there is hope. In part two of our series, James shows you three powerful techniques for defusing defiant power struggles today. 2009-06-16 12:44:32 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/Power-Struggles-with-a-Defiant-Child.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget Do you ever feel as if your relationship with your child has become one long, drawn-out (and exhausting) power struggle? If you're in this situation, it probably seems like you simply progress from nagging your child over dirty laundry on the floor in the morning to arguing over bedtime at night. As they get older, power struggles get more entrenched as your child pushes against the rules: they start asking for things like the keys to the car and permission to go to all-night parties, "because all their friends" parents said "yes."" 2009-06-10 15:48:36 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/Disrespectful-Children-Teens-Behavior.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget As a parent, how do you know for sure if your child"s behavior has crossed the line and become truly disrespectful? I believe the distinction between mild rebelliousness and disrespect has to be drawn very clearly. And here"s how you determine whether or not your child has gone too far: when he is being rude or complaining that something isn"t fair, ask yourself, "Is my child expressing general frustration about the injustices or challenges of life, or is he being deliberately hurtful, condescending or abusive?" 0000-00-00 00:00:00 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/Teens-and-Privacy-Should-I-Spy-on-My-Child.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget Note from James: A lot of the things we do to protect our children might be considered "spying" by our kids, but they are in fact measures we take to keep them safe from others, as well as from themselves. Before we begin, I want to say that I hesitate to use the word "spying" because it has a negative, sneaky connotation. It"s hard to "spy" on someone in your own home. But that"s a word parents understand and use when we talk about looking through our kids" things, so we decided to use that characterization here. 2009-05-12 12:58:16 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/arguing-with-your-opinionated-child.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget Does your child always insist that they"re right and everyone else is wrong? Some kids have a bad habit of asserting their opinions by drowning out everyone else in the room regardless of whether or not they know what they"re talking about. Understandably, this overbearing behavior is very annoying and frustrating for both parents and family members alike. 2009-05-20 16:47:10 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/Transform-Your-Problem-Child-Caleb.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget This week, read about an oppositional, defiant teen in James Lehman"s compelling new book, Transform Your Problem Child. Meet the parents and family of Caleb, who have been dealing with their son"s behavior since he was a young child, and "raising their tolerance for deviance" with each instance of acting out. When Caleb gets physically abusive, his parents go to see James and are finally given real solutions to his behavior-- even if those solutions are not what they expected. 2009-05-13 14:38:42 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/James-Lehmans-Personal-Transformation.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget Next week: Read the Excerpt from James' new book, Transform Your Child. This week, James Lehman, MSW sits down with EP Editor Elisabeth Wilkins to talk about his life, his new book, and the hard-won lessons he discovered growing up as a defiant, acting-out child. From being abandoned in a basement as an infant to a life of crime and drug addiction in his teens and young adulthood, learn how James transformed his life and how he"s teaching parents across North America to do the same thing with their own children. 2009-05-06 16:08:31 Elisabeth Wilkins, EP Editor http://www.empoweringparents.com/When-Kids-Get-Ugly-How-to-Stop-Threats-and-Verbal-Abuse.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget Before we discuss ways to stop verbal abuse, threats, and intimidation, I want to say that these are very difficult issues to deal with individually in your home. This type of behavior is generally a manifestation of a much bigger problem and a symptom of something more global that is going on with your child. While I"m going to try to focus attention on these individual behaviors in this article, I can"t stress enough that parents need to have a systematic way of dealing with these problems so that they don"t simply move from crisis to crisis with their child. 2009-04-28 14:28:43 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/Child-Verbal-Abuse-and-Threats.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget Part one of a two-part series by James Lehman, MSW on kids who use verbal abuse, intimidation and threats to manipulate their parents and family. In this article, James explains how a defiant, verbally abusive child is created. Next week, he"ll tell you how to handle this behavior in your home. 0000-00-00 00:00:00 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/How-to-Control-Your-Kids-Outside-of-the-House.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget Recently, I talked with the mother of a 16-year-old girl on the Parental Support Line about her daughter"s behavior outside of the house. This mom had just begun the Total Transformation program, but had questions about how to use its techniques to make her daughter follow the rules when she was away from home. 2009-04-15 16:33:48 Megan Devine, Parental Support Line Advisor http://www.empoweringparents.com/Im-a-Victim-So-the-Rules-Dont-Apply-to-Me-How-to-Stop-Victim-Thinking-in-Kids.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget Whenever an adolescent doesn"t want to take responsibility, it"s very likely they"ll present themselves as a victim. When your child says, "You don"t understand me," that"s playing the victim, because what they"re really saying is, "I"m a victim of your misunderstanding." And you"ll see excuse-making, blaming and justification all contained within this kind of thought process. In our society today, kids as well as adults have become adept at using all of these strategies to rationalize their actions. 2009-04-09 10:31:25 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/ODD-or-ADHD-Diagnosis-in-Children-Now-What.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget A diagnosis is an important piece of the puzzle when we try to help kids with disabilities learn how to function. Many parents are relieved when they get a diagnosis for their acting-out, "problem child" because they see it as a guideline for the future. They think, "Now we"ll know what to do; this is it we"ll finally get our child the help he needs." But parents are often left with the fact that simply having a diagnosis doesn't necessarily mean they will be able to get help improving their child"s behavior, or get them the skills they need to learn in order to function successfully. 2009-04-01 17:48:00 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/Are-You-Embarrassed-by-Your-Childs-Behavior-5-Ways-to-Cope.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget When you have a child who acts out, throws tantrums or is disrespectful, their embarrassing behavior can make you want to curl up into a little ball and hide. Here, James Lehman, MSW gives you some tips on how to cope and how to teach your child the skills he needs. 2009-03-25 13:12:30 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/Good-Behavior-is-not-Magic-Its-a-Skill-The-Three-Skills-Every-Child-Needs-for-Good-Behavior.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget When you have a child who acts out and is disrespectful, it"s easy to compare him to the so-called "good kids" who never seem to get into trouble or give their parents grief. Many people feel hopeless about the possibility of ever teaching their child to "magically" become the kind of well-behaved member of the family they envisioned before they had him. 2009-03-11 14:46:41 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/Do-You-Dread-Coming-Home-To-Your-Kids.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget "On the way home from work every day, I start getting stressed out because I know that my 15-year-old son will be there waiting, ready to start a fight with me. There are times when I just want to turn the car around and not deal with him anymore, but I know that"s wrong. I"m so tired of the screaming matches and power struggles. What can I do?" 2009-03-10 12:26:05 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/Stop-the-Show-Putting-a-Lid-on-Your-Childs-Attention-seeking-Behavior.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget Some children think they"re the center of the universe, and behave as if everyone should revolve around them like the planets orbit the sun. From the 10-year-old "diva" who demands center stage at all times to the 17-year-old who takes out his frustrations on his family when his girlfriend breaks up with him, this attention-seeking behavior can be exhausting for everyone. 2009-03-04 09:58:13 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/My-Blended-Family-Wont-Blend-Help-PartII-What-to-Do-When-Your-Stepkids-Dont-Respect-You.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget This is part 2 of a two-part series by James Lehman, MSW on Blended Families. In this article, James discusses the importance of respectful behavior in a blended family, and how parents can achieve this from all the children in the family. 2009-02-25 10:21:11 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/My-Blended-Family-Wont-Blend-Help-Part1-How-to-get-on-the-same-page-with-your-spouse.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget "I don"t know what to do anymore," said Jill, stepmother to two teen girls and mom to one biological son, aged 10. "My stepdaughters don"t respect me I"m the "evil stepmother" to them and pretty much ignore whatever I say. And my son is constantly telling me that my husband isn"t fair, and that he treats him differently than he treats his two girls. Sometimes I get so exhausted by the whole thing I just want to get up and leave." 2009-02-18 12:06:19 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/When-Your-Child-Says-I-Dont-Fit-In.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget Every child feels like they don"t fit in at some point. Even adults feel that way occasionally: we all experience being "alone in a room full of people." With kids, the need to be part of a group is instinctual; it"s survival. They want to fit in and be like everyone else because it gives them a sense of safety and security. So when your child tells you they don"t fit in, they"re also saying, "I don"t feel safe." The anxiety comes from thoughts of, "I"m different; I"m vulnerable." And sadly, other children tend to focus on kids who are different and can be very cruel. 2009-02-11 10:33:51 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/Kids-Blaming-and-Apologies-Everything-after-But-is-Bull.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget You"ll often hear kids say, "I"m sorry, but..." and follow their apology with an excuse. "I"m sorry, but you were looking at me." "I"m sorry, but you wouldn"t let me play my video games." "I"m sorry I kicked a hole in the wall, but you told me I couldn"t go outside." So, what your child is actually saying is, "I"m sorry, but it was your fault." 2009-02-03 13:08:03 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/Low-Self-esteem-in-Kids-Part-II-3-Ways-to-Help-Your-Child-Now.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget When a child has low self-esteem, many parents search endlessly for ways to make them feel better about themselves. They compliment their child for minor accomplishments or lower the standards to make them feel better, and nothing changes. They want to fix the problem now, when in reality, they should be coaching their child on how they can overcome their issues on their own. 2009-01-28 14:13:34 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/Low-Self-Esteem-in-Kids-Forget-What-Youve-Heard-Its-a-Myth.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget Is your child struggling with low self-esteem? As a parent, it"s tough to stand by and see our children feeling like they don"t "measure up" or can"t handle things as well as their peers seem to do. Here, James Lehman, MSW debunks the myth of focusing on children"s feelings at the expense of teaching them how to master life-skills. Part I of a two-part series on "Self-Esteem and Kids." 2009-01-22 15:12:35 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/Consequences-Dont-Work-for-My-Teen-Here-Why-and-How-to-Fix-It.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget If you"re having trouble giving effective consequences to your teen, know that you are not alone. Many parents tell me that nothing seems to work, and that coming up with the right thing for their child can seem like an impossible task. If you"re the parent of an adolescent, you may have grounded your child, taken away their video games, or suspended their driving privileges for months on end. But as James Lehman says, you can"t punish kids into acceptable behavior it just doesn"t work that way. 2009-01-15 12:21:25 Megan Devine, Parental Support Line Advisor http://www.empoweringparents.com/Anger-as-a-Weapon-When-Your-Child-Points-the-Gun-at-You.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget From young children to teens, James Lehman, MSW explains why your child is in trouble if he or she uses anger and acting out behavior to control others. When children use anger to get what they want, it can feel for all the world like they"re pointing a loaded weapon at you. As a parent, you dread the ugly and sometimes violent emotional outbursts that come with this type of behavior. I want to caution people that once a child is using extreme anger, they"re in a lot of trouble. 2009-01-06 15:06:14 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/Teflon-Kids-Why-They-Avoid-Responsibility-and-How-to-Hold-Them-Accountable.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget Responsibility slides off kids like water slides off a duck"s back. It almost seems the way that nature meant it to be. Think of kids as being coated with Teflon, and nothing sticks that"s how they relate to responsibility. In some ways, it"s no mystery: kids are born with no responsibilities, and everything they do is by instinct. 2008-12-19 10:45:29 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/Will-My-Kid-Be-Messed-Up-Forever.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget In my office I"ve dealt with many, many parents through the years who were really discouraged about their kids" behavior. They felt hopeless and wondered if things were ever going to change. And the feelings they had were understandable: when you have a child who acts out in very aggressive and destructive ways, who is verbally abusive or physically destructive of property, or who even assaults siblings and parents, you feel powerless. And if you try to seek help from your child"s school, therapists, and counselors, but still nothing changes, it"s easy to get really discouraged and start feeling hopeless. But I think in many cases parents and kids can turn their lives around, and I"m saying that out of my own experiences with families and kids. 2008-12-17 10:22:25 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/Emotional-Blackmail-Is-Your-Childs-Behavior-Holding-You-Hostage.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget I"ve worked with many parents over the years who routinely gave in when their children acted out. One mother I met, I"ll call her Linda*, had a twelve-year-old son who often used emotional blackmail and threats of misbehavior to get his way. Linda dreaded taking him to the mall, because she knew she"d end up buying him anything he asked for in an effort to keep him from calling her names, stomping and yelling at her, and making a scene that left her feeling humiliated and powerless. In effect, her son"s behavior was holding her hostage. 2008-12-10 11:39:01 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/Am-I-Spoiling-My-Young-Child.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget The word "spoiled" is a loaded term, one that has many levels of meaning for us as parents. You may envision a nagging in-law telling you your children are "spoiled," you may remember a kindly grandparent "spoiling" you as a young child, or an unruly, "spoiled" kid you see in the grocery store who throws a fit to get what he wants. In this article, I am defining "spoiled" as any situation in which a child is in control and a parent is not. 2008-12-10 11:06:00 Dr. Joan Simeo Munson http://www.empoweringparents.com/Is-Your-Child-Depressed-6-Ways-to-Help-Them-Cope-Kids-and-Depression-Part-II.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget In Part II of James Lehman, MSW"s series on episodic childhood depression, he"ll discuss concrete ways you can teach your child coping skills. If your child seems distressed, despondent or sad for a prolonged period of time, have them seen by someone with diagnostic skills. Be sure to have a pediatrician rule out any underlying issues that might be causing depression. 2008-12-03 13:59:50 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/When-Your-Childs-World-Collapses-Kids-and-Depression-Part-I.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget Part one of a two part series by James Lehman, MSW, on kids and episodic depression. Note from James: In our culture, sadness and depression have become almost interchangeable terms. In this article, we"re going to use the term "episodic depression" when referring to a level of sadness that children experience that interferes with their functioning. 2008-11-25 10:41:01 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/Chronically-Late-Kids-Let-Them-Pay-the-Price.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget "My 14-year-old son is late for everything. It"s always, "In a minute," or "I"m almost ready." He"s not a bad kid, but he just doesn"t seem to understand that there are people waiting for him. The last straw was when he made us miss the beginning of our daughter"s high school play recently, even though he had hours to get ready. What can we do to make him get with the program?" 2008-11-19 14:35:18 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/Does-Your-Child-Say-This-Its-Your-Fault.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget It"s no mystery: children who say "It"s your fault" to their parents when confronted with a task they haven"t completed are trying to avoid taking responsibility for something. 2008-11-19 14:26:16 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/Take-the-Power-Struggle-out-of-Bedtime-Permanently.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget As every parent knows, fights over bedtime can be one of the biggest power struggles you"ll have with your child, whether they"re five or fifteen. The truth is, many kids just don"t want to go to bed at night. For most of them, I think it"s because they"re afraid they"re going to miss something. With others, it might be because they"re frightened of the dark, or afraid to go to sleep. And for some kids, they simply want to be in control. Bedtime just becomes another arena in which kids will try to fight with you.If you"ve ruled out fear of the dark, fear of bedwetting, and fear of not waking up, that leaves us with oppositional behavioral issues the power struggle. 2008-11-12 10:29:33 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/What-to-Do-When-You-Catch-Your-Teen-Lying.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget "My 17 year old son lies all the time," a mother said to me recently. "He lies about his schoolwork, what he ate for lunch and whether or not he"s brushed his teeth. He also exaggerates to make his stories more dramatic or to make himself sound bigger. It"s come to the point where I don"t take anything he says at face value. He"s not a bad kid, but I just don"t understand why he lies so often, especially when telling the truth would be easier. What should I do?" 2008-11-05 13:58:19 Megan Devine, Parental Support Line Advisor http://www.empoweringparents.com/My-Teen-is-Addicted-to-Texting.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget "My 14 year old daughter is a texting addict! She will even sit and text when our family is at a restaurant. It drives me nuts. If I tell her to stop, she just does it under the table. It"s like this little secret that we can"t be in on, plus it"s just plain rude. It"s as if half of her is here with us, but her brain is somewhere off with her friends. The thing that really annoys me is that she doesn"t take part in family activities any more it"s like she has to have a special invitation to participate. What should we do?" 2008-11-05 14:52:51 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/siblings-at-war-in-your-home.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget Sibling rivalry is normal in families with more than one child. It becomes a problem when one child bullies or dominates the other. It's also a more complex issue than it first appears. On the surface, you have two kids who are "at war" who bicker constantly and don"t get along. There can be many reasons for this, but at the core of this rivalry is a common theme that runs through it all: the sense that one sibling is the victim of the other and somehow "less than." And that child often believes that he gets less love from his parents than his acting out brother or sister does. 2008-10-29 16:03:52 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/child-pouting-sulking-and-whining.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget Pouting, sulking and whining are three of the most annoying ways that kids communicate their displeasure with a situation. This behavior is not just limited to young children, either teens do it because they haven"t always learned the skills to express their frustration in an appropriate way. Simply put, it works for them. 2008-10-22 13:16:16 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/End-the-Nightly-Struggle-over-Homework-Now.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget Are you trapped in a nightly homework struggle with your child? The list of excuses can seem endless: "I don"t have any homework today." "My teacher never looks at my homework anyway." "That assignment was optional." "I did it at school." If only your child could be that creative with their actual homework, getting good grades would be no problem! 2008-10-14 16:17:55 Megan Devine, Parental Support Line Advisor http://www.empoweringparents.com/How-to-Respond-When-Your-Child-Ignores-You.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget If your child deliberately ignores you, pretends not to hear your requests, and refuses to greet you or others, read on to see how you can deal with their behavior without losing your cool. 2008-10-14 15:25:02 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/Living-with-Little-Lawyers-Dont-Over-negotiate-with-Your-Child.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget If you are a parent who negotiates constantly with your child, you probably feel like you"re living with a little lawyer who "objects" to every rule and request and wears you down with endless questions and challenges. With some kids, everything becomes a negotiation, and it starts from the time they get up in the morning until the time they put off going to bed. 2008-10-08 16:07:52 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/Eliminate-Shut-up-from-Your-Familys-Vocabulary.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget If your child tells you to shut up, the best thing to do is not give it power. By arguing, talking and fighting back, you"re giving it power. Instead, the next time it happens, try saying, "Don"t talk to me that way, I don"t like it," and turn around and leave the room. When things have calmed down, tell your child what the consequence is for his or her rude behavior. And by the way, there should be regular consequences in the house for things like cursing, name calling, and rude behavior. And they should be functional consequences, like "No cell phone for 24 hours." That way, kids know what will happen if they break the rules, and you don"t have to repeat it every time. So you don"t have to fight with them, just use the consequences that you think would be most effective with your child, whether it"s no video games for 24 hours, or taking away their cell phone for a day. 2008-10-08 16:31:35 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/How-to-Stop-Your-Child-or-Teen-from-Cursing-or-Swearing.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget Don"t pick up that bar of soap yet! James Lehman, MSW has great advice for parents on what to do when their child has a foul mouth, from generalized cursing to verbal abuse. If your child curses at you, what you need to understand is that they"re trying to hurt you, throw you off balance, or suck you into you into a fight. I believe that families should have clear rules about cursing. There shouldn"t be any discussion about it when it happens. And in my mind, there"s a difference between kids cursing in general or cursing at you or another family member, and calling you rude names. But either way, families need to establish rules around it. 2008-09-30 15:38:13 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/Classroom-Management-and-Discipline.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget When one of Brandi Frank"s second grade students was expelled for punching another teacher in the stomach, she was ready for his return to her classroom six weeks later. "I sat down in community circle in the morning and talked with the other students and explained that this boy, *Kyle, was coming back to the classroom. The number one thing I established was, "There"s no excuse for abuse."" 2008-10-02 13:13:16 Elisabeth Wilkins, EP Editor http://www.empoweringparents.com/My-Kid-Wont-Get-Out-of-Bed-Stop-the-Morning-Madness-Now.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget The alarm goes off and the morning battle begins: you knock on your child"s bedroom door to wake him, but you have to go back time and again to make sure he"s actually up, your voice rising with each "wake-up call." As the minutes tick by and he still hasn"t gotten out of bed, you resort to screaming and yelling in his face, and then tear the blankets off the bed. In desperation, you pull him out of bed by his feet, though you know you won"t be able to do that for many more years. 2008-09-23 15:01:56 Megan Devine, Parental Support Line Advisor http://www.empoweringparents.com/Are-You-Caught-in-a-Tug-of-War-with-Your-Child-Dont-Test-Me.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget When our children refuse to do what we ask them, it can feel like we"re caught in a tug-of-war, with both sides pulling on the end of the rope as hard as they can, and neither side making much headway. 2008-09-23 16:58:27 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/Freaked-Out-How-to-Help-Kids-Manage-Their-Anxiety.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget This is part two of a two-part series on anxiety in children by James Lehman, MSW. In the first article, James discussed how to understand and identify anxiety in children. In this second and last article, he will give you some concrete advice on how to help children solve the problem of anxiety by managing it successfully. 2008-09-17 11:09:04 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/Freaked-Out-Understanding-Kids-with-Anxiety.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget This is part one of a two-part series on anxiety in children by James Lehman, MSW. In the first article, James will discuss how to understand and identify anxiety in children. Next week, he'll give you some constructive advice on how to help children manage anxiety successfully. 2008-09-08 17:23:07 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/Does-Your-Child-Say-This-Thats-boring.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget When adolescents say something is boring, what they"re often expressing is a low level of anger and frustration. My guess is that this comes from the fact that either they don"t have anything interesting to do and they"re frustrated, or the task they have to do isn"t exciting and requires attention and energy. So when you say, "It"s time to go do your math now," and a teen responds, "Math is so boring," they"re expressing a low level of frustration and anger about having to do their math homework, probably because math is boring to them. 2008-09-04 10:44:58 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/reduce-homework-hassles-with-simple-tips.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget Homework can be difficult for most kids during the school year, but it can become a major challenge when you have a child with ADHD. But here"s some good news for exhausted parents: if you take the right steps now, at the beginning of the school year, homework hassles can be kept to a minimum. The key is to be organized and plan ahead to minimize the frustration your child is bound to experience around multiple homework assignments. Begin by tackling the two most important places: school and home. 2008-09-04 10:37:21 Dr. Robert Myers, Child Psychologist http://www.empoweringparents.com/Wait-until-your-father-gets-home.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget Sometimes when we feel powerless as parents, we resort to bringing out the big guns. Have you ever found yourself saying things like, "Wait until your father gets home!" or "Wait until your mother hears about this!"? I'm here to tell you that if you threaten a child with what their other parent might do, you"re making two serious mistakes. 2008-08-26 12:40:39 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/You-love-him-more-than-you-love-me.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget When you have more than one child, from time to time they might ask you if you love one sibling more. This is not unusual, and sometimes children will put the question to you in an offhand way, pretending that the answer isn"t really that important. But the answer is important. And the best answer you can give is, "I love you as much as a mother could love a son. I"ll never love you any less." And then your child will say, "But what about Sarah?" And you can say, "I love Sarah too, but I want you to know that I love you. Never worry about that." Kids will sense that you love them, but there will be times when they crave affirmation, and it"s important to give it to them 2008-08-26 12:44:14 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/How-to-Stop-Taking-Your-Childs-Behavior-Personally.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget When parents say things like, "Why are you doing this to me? You"re making me crazy," to their children, it"s a signal to me that they"re personalizing their kids" behavior. In other words, what you"re really doing is taking your child"s behavior and viewing it as a personal attack upon you. 2008-08-20 17:27:06 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/How-to-Deal-with-Teens-with-Attitude.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget With a new school year starting, many parents find themselves gearing up for another round of bad attitudes and power struggles with their kids. Teens and pre-teens especially seem to have an "I don"t care," or "Why bother?" attitude about school, homework and their other responsibilities, whether it be chores around the house or a part-time job. Do you find yourself asking your teen, "How will you ever make it in life if you don"t take these things seriously now?" 2008-08-20 17:17:01 Megan Devine, Parental Support Line Advisor http://www.empoweringparents.com/Reduce-Back-to-School-Anxiety-for-Young-Children.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget As the start of the school year approaches, have you seen your first grader go into meltdown mode at the mention of school, or watched your soon-to-be kindergartner regress back to baby talking and thumb sucking? Rest assured that you"re not alone. Each fall, millions of parents deal with their children"s beginning-of-the-year anxiety. 2008-08-14 10:18:19 Dr. Joan Simeo Munson, Ph.D http://www.empoweringparents.com/Combat-Back-to-School-Anxiety.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget It"s common for kids to have a lot of anxiety about the start of the school year, especially if they"re entering a new grade or going to a new school. All of these issues weigh very heavily on the minds of teens and pre-teens. And children with any type of impairment whether it be a neurological, physical or behavioral will have anxiety levels that are even more intense than kids who don"t. 2008-08-14 09:42:03 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/Angry-Child-Fix-the-Behavior-Not-the-Feelings.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget Many parents make the mistake of assuming that since their child"s behavior is connected to their feelings, fixing the feelings will fix the behavior. Unfortunately, nothing could be further from the truth. It"s critical for parents to understand that processing your child"s feelings while they are happening is not constructive. 2008-08-06 16:07:05 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/Beat-the-Back-to-School-Power-Struggle-with-Your-Child-or-Teen.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget I"ve worked with many parents and children caught up in power struggles in the home they argued over bedtime, homework, curfew, video game time you name it, they fought over it. And the more these parents fought with their children, the better at arguing and manipulating situations their children seemed to get. Mothers and fathers came to me exhausted, frustrated and desperate to stop the constant tug-of-war going on in their homes. 2008-07-30 16:26:54 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/Consequences-Story-Contest.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget Announcing the EP Consequences Story Contest Winners! Congratulations to all of our readers with winning entries for the Consequences Story Contest and DVD Giveaway! My email inbox was truly overflowing with all of your different and effective ways to use consequences. And by the way, your parental creativity and follow-through really impressed me and the Parental Support Line Advisors here at Legacy Publishing. Thanks again to everyone who sent in their essays! 2008-07-31 13:17:05 Elisabeth Wilkins, EP Editor and the PSL Staff http://www.empoweringparents.com/How-to-Stop-Arguing-and-Start-Talking-with-Your-ADHD-Child.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget I often joke that kids with ADHD would make great politicians or lawyers, because they never give up a fight! Trying to cope with a child who argues at the drop of a hat can test the patience of any sane person. Not surprisingly, over the years many parents have asked me what they can do to make the arguing stop. What you can do is help your children turn their ability to argue into a positive trait rather than a negative one. 2008-07-24 10:06:30 Dr. Robert Myers, Child Psychologist http://www.empoweringparents.com/Beacuse-I-Said-So.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget "Because I said so!" What parent hasn"t said these words to their child in a moment of sheer exasperation? What you"re really saying is that you are the one in charge and you want the discussion to end. Of course, sometimes ending it abruptly is appropriate and sometimes it"s not. When this phrase is used in an offhand or sarcastic way, or in response to an initial question from your child, it"s much too abrupt. But despite what some people think, "Because I said so" is not necessarily a negative phrase it all depends on when and how it is said. 2008-07-24 09:55:08 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/Why-the-Word-No-Sets-off-a-Child-with-Oppositional-Defiant-Disorder.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget Many Parents of children with Oppositional Defiant Disorder feel hopeless and alone. They live in homes that become like little prisons as they deal with kids who are absolutely out of control and unmanageable. They don"t like their child any more, even though they still love him or her. And they"re confused about why nothing works. 2008-07-16 16:21:51 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/How-to-Stop-Your-Kids-Backtalk.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget As a parent, sometimes it seems like your day is filled with an endless stream of backtalk from your kids you hear it when you ask them to do chores, when you tell them it"s time to stop watching TV, and when you lay down rules they don"t like. It"s one of the most frustrating and exhausting things that we deal with when we raise our kids. 2008-07-04 10:33:02 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/Are-You-a-Mother-or-a-Martyr.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget Without even realizing it, well-meaning parents can turn into martyrs for their kids. I"ve worked with many of them. One woman, I"ll call her "Karen," stands out. When I met Karen, she was exhausted and frustrated, because she"d been fighting the school, her family and everyone else since her son "Kyle" was born. He had a learning disability and behavioral problems, and by the time he was fifteen, he"d learned that he didn"t have to work very hard to get through the day. 2008-07-02 17:25:57 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/Top-Annoying-Teen-Behavior-Mocking-and-Teasing-Parents.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget Some kids make a game of teasing their parents. There are two contexts in which kids can mock, imitate or laugh. One is in the family setting of teasing each other. It happens all the time and it"s perfectly acceptable. But you should have boundaries about how much your kids can tease or mock you. The problem arises when kids tease or laugh at you in order to be disrespectful or rude, and to undermine your authority. 2008-06-26 14:49:30 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/Does-Your-Child-Say-Whatever.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget Kids generally say "whatever" to their parents when they"ve already lost the argument. It"s a final attempt to push the parent"s button and to get back at you in some small way for something that your child doesn"t like. Your best bet is to ignore it. If a kid says "whatever," the odds are that the point has already been decided and you"re in charge of the situation. "Whatever" is their way of trying to save a little face. If you"ve come out on top, don"t compromise your position by letting them draw you into an argument. To challenge it is ineffective. If you give it power, you"re losing the ground that you"ve gained already. 2008-06-26 14:30:38 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/How-to-Keep-Cool-When-the-Kids-Push-Your-Buttons.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget Kids grow up watching you for a living, and let"s face it, they learn pretty quickly how to push your buttons. It might be back talk, or constant complaining or eye-rolling, but whatever the behavior, nearly every parent will occasionally lose their temper with their kids. 2008-06-24 10:18:35 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/How-to-Stop-Aggressive-Behavior-in-Young-Children.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget "I"m not allowed to bring Ben to play group anymore," said Sarah, whose son is now five years old. "The last time we went, he bit another boy who was playing with a truck Ben wanted. And the time before that, he hit a little girl across the face. I try to tell him 'no' but he just doesn"t listen, so I end up apologizing for him. I"m starting to feel like the world"s worst parent because I can"t control him when he acts out." 2008-06-24 10:30:59 Dr. Joan Simeo Munson, Ph.D http://www.empoweringparents.com/Does-Your-Child-Say-This-I-forgot.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget Is your child"s answer to everything, "I forgot?" The fact of the matter is, sometimes children do forget, and certainly a reminder from the parent to do their work or complete a task is appropriate. But when kids use "I forgot" on a regular basis, it becomes a way to justify irresponsible behavior. As an excuse, "I forgot" means the kid is avoiding a certain task or responsibility which they don"t feel they can perform and don"t know how to get help with. Or it could be because they"re being lazy and don"t care about it. Laziness causes as much irresponsible behavior on the part of children as any other explanation. Sometimes laziness can be interpreted as "I"m tired and I don"t feel like it." Sometimes laziness can be interpreted as "My life"s not going to get better anyway, why should I try?" In either case, laziness doesn"t empower the child to take care of business. So when your child says "I forgot," you have to say, "Forgetting is not an excuse to justify not doing something." 2008-06-24 10:33:45 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/Annoying-Child-Behaviors-The-Constant-Interrupter.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget Interrupting comes from a variety of sources, including over-stimulation, competition with siblings and peers, impulsivity and family patterns of communication. It"s helpful to pinpoint what combination of these factors contributes to the interruption that you"re seeing today. Whatever it is, the most effective thing to do in the moment is to calmly and simply say "Don"t interrupt me until I"m done." 2008-06-24 10:35:10 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/Dos-and-Donts-of-Divorce-for-Parents.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget Divorce is a very complex occurrence that takes place within the family. This article will not attempt to cover all of the many nuances and intricacies involved in dealing with children who are experiencing a divorce. There are therapists who deal specifically with divorces as well as many books written on the effects of divorce on children and on parents. Many towns have programs committed to working with children of divorced families, which can be very effective at helping kids come to terms with what"s going on. All of these options should be considered. I hope this article will offer some useful ideas, but I want to stress the fact that it is not meant as a substitute for a broader understanding of divorce and its effect on parents and children. 2008-06-24 10:37:06 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/when-Kids-Get-Violent.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget Violence is the extreme end of aggression. Remember that not all kids who are aggressive become violent. When children and teens use violence to get what they want whether it"s punching a sibling in the stomach or punching a hole in the wall it usually involves a scenario where they"re being told "no" to something they want to do, or they"re being told they have to do something they don"t want to do. What actually happens is that the child gets frustrated and angry and hasn"t learned any other way to deal with these feelings than to strike out often at the adults involved. 2008-06-24 10:58:02 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/eye-rolling.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget Most everyone who"s ever been a teenager learns at some point how to irritate their parents to distraction. From eye-rolling to back-talking, teens have a seemingly endless supply of habits that push their parents' buttons. Recently, Empowering Parents asked our readers what the most annoying teen behaviors were, and the answers came pouring in from frustrated parents all over North America. Here, James Lehman, MSW helps you deal with eye-rolling, number 7 on the EP list of "Top Annoying Teen Behaviors." 2008-06-24 11:04:34 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/you-just-want-to-control-me.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget When a child says to you, "You"re just trying to control me," usually he or she is inviting you to a fight. The perception for parents here is that your child is challenging your authority. If you respond to that, you"re giving them more power. Try not to get into a power struggle or screaming match, and don"t deny the obvious. Sometimes parents say, "No, I"m not trying to control you," when in fact, they really are. Generally, the best thing for you to do is to avoid that fight. Remember, you don"t have to participate in every fight you"re invited to attend. 2008-06-24 11:14:47 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/marijuana-drug-addiction-and-teens.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget "No one is immune to the disease of addiction," warns Katherine Ketcham, the coauthor of thirteen books, including Teens Under the Influence: The Truth About Kids, Alcohol, and Other Drugs How to Recognize the Problem and What to Do About It and the bestselling classic Under the Influence: A Guide to the Myths and Realities of Alcoholism. For the last eight years she has worked with addicted youth and families at the Juvenile Justice Center in Walla Walla, Washington. 2008-06-24 11:28:51 Elisabeth Wilkins, Empowering Parents Editor http://www.empoweringparents.com/You-are-not-my-mom-I-dont-have-to-listen-to-you.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget When you"re raising or helping to raise a child that is not biologically your own, whether you"re a stepparent in a blended family, have adopted or foster children, or are bringing up your grandchildren, kids may sometimes use this fact against you during the heat of an argument. When a child says "You"re not my mom or dad," what they"re really trying to do is take the power away from you. Focus on what your role is: caretaker. That means you should inform the child what the rules are in your house. The whole idea here is to avoid a power struggle. What the child is doing is inviting you to a fight. And remember, you don"t have to attend every fight you"re invited to. Avoid the power struggle, and calmly state what your role is and what the rules are. It's very important that you verbalize no judgments about the biological mother or father. Judgments will only lead to more anger and resentment, which will lead to more power struggles. 2008-06-24 11:02:09 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/Five-Simple-Brain-Exercise-Activities-for-Your-ADHD-Child.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget Imagine that you are living inside of a video game, where everything is coming at you at once and every sight, sound and sensation is a distraction. For a child with ADHD, getting through a typical day is something like that and it explains a great deal about how they experience the world. Children with ADHD typically have impairment of functions such as concentration, memory, impulse control, processing speed and an inability to follow directions. If you"re a parent of a child with ADD or ADHD, this most likely sounds all too familiar. Over the years, you"ve probably struggled through homework sessions with your child, tried (and failed) to get them to complete certain tasks like cleaning their room or finishing yard work, and on more than one occasion, you"ve probably felt completely drained by their high energy and seeming inability to focus. 2008-06-24 11:31:21 Dr. Robert Myers, Child Psychologist http://www.empoweringparents.com/Shoplifting-Stealing-and-Stealing-with-Aggression.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget "My fourteen year old daughter was arrested for shoplifting make-up this week," said Marie, a working mother of two girls. "Is this just normal teen behavior, or is it something more serious? She"s grounded for a month and I"ve taken away her iPod and computer privileges, but to tell the truth, I"m still in shock. I"m furious and I"m not sure how to even talk to her about what she did." 2008-06-24 11:33:57 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/mean-girls-bullying.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget I recently gave a talk about bullying to a group of parents in my city. Afterward, a nervous-looking dad approached the front of the room to ask me a question. "My daughter is a good kid," he said, adding that she was just ten years old. "Her friend made this announcement at school last Friday I think it might even have been a joke at first she said that nobody should talk to a certain boy in their class. My daughter thought that was stupid, so she walked up to the boy and said "Hi" and talked to him anyway." The father sighed before continuing. "I was really proud of her..." But the next day when his daughter came home from school, she was crushed. "She told me that because she had "broken the rule" and spoken to the boy who was being ignored, none of her friends would talk to her." 2008-06-24 11:43:13 Peggy Moss, J.D., Bullying Expert http://www.empoweringparents.com/cyber_bullying.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget In this age of MySpace, cell phones and instant messaging, it has never been more important to ensure that you are a part of your daughter"s life: the real and the virtual. It is no surprise that girls are enamored with social communications as a way to make connections and keep in touch. By the time they are ten or eleven, they may be developing their own websites, and creating fun emoticons, avatars, and colorful texts for their emails. 2008-06-24 11:38:21 Peggy Moss, J.D., Bullying Expert http://www.empoweringparents.com/Leave-Me-Alone.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget Children can be adept at shutting down, and shutting you out leaving you with unanswered questions and a whole lot of frustration. If you find your child is shutting down every conversation with "Leave me alone!" or "It"s none of your business!", here are some ways you can handle their response and make sure the issue at hand gets addressed in the appropriate way without getting into a power struggle. 2008-06-24 11:47:07 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/How-to-Teach-Your-Children-to-Start-Taking-Responsibility.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget When parents realize that their child might have either a behavioral or learning problem, the first thing many do is blame themselves. Parents are usually very frightened and worried about their children"s behavior. This fear often manifests itself in negative ways. One of those ways is blame. 2008-06-24 11:58:54 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/Girl-Violence--in-the-News-and-how-to-talk-to-your-child-about-it.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget Last week, two devastating stories about girls hit the national press. In one, a ten-year-old girl was yanked off of the monkey bars by two slightly older girls, who stomped on her head and her hip, causing permanent damage. The other was a videotape of 6 Florida cheerleaders seeking YouTube fame by beating a fellow cheerleader over a period of thirty minutes, causing a concussion and hearing loss, among other injuries. So far, the girls (and some of their parents) are blaming the target for demeaning messages on My Space, and none of the teens has demonstrated remorse. To make matters worse, this past weekend, staff members of the "Dr. Phil" show further fanned the publicity flames by posting bail for one of the girls in order to get her on their show Empowering Parents asked bullying expert and award-winning author Peggy Moss to address these issues, noting, "Even if the press perhaps sensationalizes these events, don"t we still have to address these bullying episodes in order keep our children safe?" 2008-06-24 12:00:52 Peggy Moss, J.D., Bullying Expert http://www.empoweringparents.com/under-the-radar.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget "I never suspected my nine-year-old daughter"s inability to concentrate was due to ADHD," said Diane, the mother of three girls. "She isn"t "hyper" or noisy in fact, just the opposite. Kayla is the middle child she"s quiet and tends to daydream a lot. We were frustrated because she couldn"t ever seem to concentrate or get her schoolwork done...But we were still really surprised when our pediatrician finally diagnosed her with ADHD last year." 2008-06-24 12:02:47 Dr. Robert Myers, Child Psychologist http://www.empoweringparents.com/Teens-Alcohol-and-Binge-Drinking.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget It"s Saturday night, and kids all over North America are hanging out at their friends" houses, watching movies, going to parties. And children as young as 11 are taking their first drink of alcohol the average age when boys start drinking. For girls, that age is now 13. More and more kids are drinking hard liquor, and an alarming number of those teens and pre-teens are binge drinking, which is defined as consuming 5 or more drinks of any alcohol in one setting for boys, and 4 or more drinks for girls. 2008-06-24 12:06:14 Elisabeth Wilkins, Empowering Parents Editor http://www.empoweringparents.com/raising-grandkids.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget Jan is a sixty-five-year-old grandmother who was given custody of her two grandsons, aged 8 and 15, after her daughter was jailed for drug abuse. "At first, it was a joy to have them in our house," said Jan, whose grandchildren came to live with her one year ago. "They seemed so happy to be here. But then the real problems started. Now, my older grandson either just plain ignores me or he talks back I don"t know which is worse. And the younger one is starting to follow suit. I"m starting to wonder where we went wrong." 2008-04-01 08:38:20 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/how-to-navigate--the-school-system-when-your-child-has-a-disability.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget As a parent, there are moments when warning bells go off times when you notice that your child might be having trouble grasping certain skills that their peers seem to have mastered. 2008-05-28 11:04:16 Jill Fletcher, Parental Support Line Specialist http://www.empoweringparents.com/i-don't-want-to-go-to-school.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget Nearly every morning before school, Josh, 9, will scream, cry and do anything possible to stay home. "He"ll whine on and on, "I don"t feel well. I hate my teacher. School is boring," say his parents, Suzanne and Rob, who report that they have hit the wall with his behavior. "He used to like school," said Suzanne. "I"m not sure what happened, but in the last few years it"s become a battle just to get him out the door." 2008-05-28 11:16:56 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/Stopping-a-temper-tantrum.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget It"s a familiar scene: You"re standing in line at the grocery store, almost finished checking out. For the fourth time in a row, your child asks for a piece of candy strategically placed at kids" eye-level in the checkout line. You"ve repeatedly said no, when suddenly, the tantrum starts. His legs and arms flail, and then he lets go with an ear-piercing scream and begins hitting the floor. Meanwhile, between muffled apologies and frantic bagging, you attempt to get as far away from the store as possible. 2008-05-28 10:42:15 Dr. Joan Simeo Munson, Ph.D. http://www.empoweringparents.com/You-cannot-make-me.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget At times, children will verbally draw a line in the sand, stare you in the eye and say "You can"t make me." When they say this, what they"re looking for is a fight, and it"s important not to give them one. By responding with "Oh yes I can," there"s a threat implied, and it"s only going to further escalate the situation. You"re giving the child control by joining into the fight that you"ve been invited to. It"s important to remember not to engage the child on her level. Instead, respond to your child by taking your emotions out of the equation and focusing back on the matter at hand. 2008-06-11 16:14:52 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/Rules-Boundaries-and-Older-Children-Late-To-Set-Up-Living-Agreement.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget This is the third and final installment in a three part series of articles by James Lehman, MSW. For those parents who haven"t set up a structured agreement when their child turns 18, it"s never too late to set one up. Even if your child is 23, living under your roof and staying out until the wee hours, it"s never too late to sit down with that kid and say, "We"re going to have to have a talk about our rules here and what parts fit you and what parts don"t fit you." If a kid is 23 years old and he"s not working, he can"t be up until two o"clock in the morning with friends in the house, keeping other people awake. You may feel obligated to provide that child with a roof over his head. But you have the right to let him know that "This is not your home for that anymore. We"re going to bed, we"re tired, we worked all day. If you"re going to live here, you have to live within our rules." If he tries to put you down for it, you need to put your foot down. If that means taking the car keys, then that"s what it means. 2008-06-24 10:45:34 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/What-Teens-are-Really-Doing-Online.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget Amber* got onto Myspace when she was 13. "It was easy," she said with a shrug. "All you have to do is lie about your age and give them your email address." The teen, who is now 15, said, "I guess I accepted a lot of "Friends" to my list without really knowing who they were." On Myspace, Facebook, Xanga and other social networking sites, the goal is to acquire as many "friends" as possible, a virtual popularity contest that can add up to a whole lot of unknowns. That"s how "Mike," a man posing as a teen-ager, started messaging Amber. Eventually, he suggested they meet, but before that rendezvous could happen, it emerged that Mike was really a 28-year-old delivery man from a nearby town. Amber had the sense to stop messaging him and remove him from her Friend List, but many other teens and pre-teens haven"t been so fortunate. In Texas, a lawsuit was brought against Myspace by the parents of a fourteen-year-old who was sexually assaulted by a man she met on the social networking site. The suit was dismissed in court, but the problem of how to protect teens online remains. 2008-05-28 10:43:19 Elisabeth Wilkins, Empowering Parents Editor http://www.empoweringparents.com/In-Response-to-Questions-about-Older-Children-Living-at-Home-by-James-Lehman.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget There has been overwhelming response and interest in last month’s article on adult children. It was viewed over 10,000 times, was our second most emailed article ever, and has received the most reader comments of any article we’ve ever published. I must say I’m not surprised about this, since in my private practice I dealt with many parents who had terrible problems with children who were over 18 and still living at home. I believe this phenomenon has become a national problem. As the cost of living goes up, adult children who are not really prepared for the workforce have to make some sacrifices. Unfortunately today, kids don’t like making sacrifices and parents don’t want to enforce sacrifices. 2008-06-23 08:42:24 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/Rules-Boundaries-and-Older-Children.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget Do you have a child between the ages of 17 and 23 living with you? If you're in constant conflict with an older child over everything from curfews (should they have one or shouldn"t they?) to getting a job to alcohol use, James Lehman offers advice on how to set reasonable limits, and how to coach your child to responsibility and independence. (Part 1 of a 3 part series.) 2008-06-23 08:32:34 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/ADHD-Young-Children.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget For the parents of a child with ADHD, simple, everyday tasks turn into battles from getting the child out the door in the morning to getting him to bed at night. My son was diagnosed with ADHD at age 6, so I remember what it was like to have a daily tug of war with an attention disordered child all too well. Parents look for help everywhere. They may read one book after another and hear a parade of behavioral experts speak who give them parenting tips that don"t seem to work. The more books they read and experts they seek out, the worse their child"s behavior seems to get. 2008-05-28 11:04:41 Dr. Robert Myers, Child Psychologist http://www.empoweringparents.com/Starving-Themselves-to-Death.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget Michelle"s parents did not address her anorexia until she weighed less than 85 pounds. At 5"10", she was a skeleton compared to the healthy teen she had once been. "My mom and dad said nothing to me about my weight loss, until one morning at breakfast when my father slammed a stack of pancakes down in front of me and demanded I eat them," she said. "I refused." Michelle"s eating disorder began when her older sister died in a car accident. "At first I didn"t want to eat, I was grieving so much. But the subject of my sister"s death was taboo at my house my parents wouldn't even allow me to mention it. I continued to refuse food because of the pain I was in, and their unwillingness to see it." Fortunately, after that breakfast table incident, her mother sought treatment for Michelle with a counselor who specialized in eating disorders. "I"m sure it saved my life," said Michelle. 2008-03-28 18:36:58 Elisabeth Wilkins, Empowering Parents Editor http://www.empoweringparents.com/Does-Your-Child-or-Teen-Say-I-Dont-Like-My-Teacher.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget Almost every kid will eventually have a teacher they don"t like, but that"s not an excuse for them to refuse to follow the rules of the classroom. When you side with your children in this scenario, believe it or not, you are actually undermining your own authority in the process. The bottom line is that it"s a mistake to denigrate authority figures with your children, even if you agree with them. Read on to see how James Lehman advises you to handle the situation. 2008-06-11 16:29:08 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/Your-Child-is-not-Your-Friend.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget With the best intentions in mind, many parents assume or hope that they can be their child"s "best friend." But it"s a critical mistake. Your child has plenty of friends. What he needs is a parent. When you attempt to make your child your confidante by sharing all your feelings and thoughts with him, you can actually end up damaging the respect he has for you. If you have been trying to be your child"s best friend and are wondering why you"re having troubles with behavior, here"s why he won"t listen and what you need to do today to be the parent he really needs. 2008-05-28 10:46:43 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/Do-You-Tiptoe-around-Your-Child.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget You may not want to admit it, but you do it. You"re afraid of setting your child off, so you don"t ask him to pull his fair share around the house. You dread the next outburst, so you put on a happy face, ask him politely to help and end up doing it yourself anyway. There"s a difference between being considerate of your child and tiptoeing around him. Here, James Lehman talks about tiptoeing around kids who are reactive in a negative way. He defines tiptoeing as being afraid to ask your child to do routine responsibilities or to meet age appropriate expectations out of fear of that child"s reaction. How did this happen and what can you do about it? 2008-01-04 16:42:12 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/Does-Your-Child-or-Teen-Say-Ill-Do-It-Later.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget When kids act out, they aren"t always confrontational. Children learn early that by procrastinating and putting parents off , they'll eventually stop being asked to help. While many parents rationalize, "It"s easier if I just do it myself," what you need to understand is that you are setting your child up to have a false sense of entitlement later on in life, a belief that the world owes them something. Here, James Lehman gives parents some effective responses in the face of your child"s passive resistance. 2008-06-11 15:57:56 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/Manipulative-Child-Behavior-How-Kids-Control-You-With-Behavior.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget Kids manipulate their parents as part of their normal routine. They learn to use their charms and strengths to get their way and negotiate more power in the family. Sometimes that manipulation is harmless, but there are other times when the stakes are higher and kids use bad behavior to make you back down. In this situation, the manipulation becomes a power and control game for the child, and that"s where it gets dangerous for parents. The real problem with manipulation is when kids use behavioral threats to manipulate you. 2007-11-16 15:22:07 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/Gut-Check-Shame-and-Anger-The-Emotional-Handcuffs-of-Parenting.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget One of the unaddressed elements of children"s behavior is the pain that families go through, knowing that others are judging them. Because the fact is, they are being judged. When parents have to go to school constantly because of their kid"s outbursts, when they get in conflicts with the neighbors because of the kid"s behavior, when they"re at the supermarket and the kid throws a temper tantrum, or they"re at the mall with their adolescent child and he raises his voice or gives his parents backtalk, it"s completely humiliating. 2008-06-13 15:41:09 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/Sibling-Rivalry-Good-Kid-vs-Bad-Kid.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget Are you tired of being the referee for all your kids' fights? Do they constantly argue, leaving you exhausted and frustrated as a parent, wondering where you went wrong with them? Carole Banks, MSW, LCSW is the manager of the Parental Support Line for the Total Transformation Program, and in this article she gives helpful advice that will empower you to you "stop the sibling rivalry show" and start enjoying being a parent again. The most important thing to remember: never place your children in the roles of "good kid" and "bad kid." 2007-11-16 14:55:25 Carole Banks, Parental Support Line Advisor http://www.empoweringparents.com/Why-Does-Your-Child-or-Teen-Say-I-Hate-You.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget Of all the weapons in your child"s arsenal, the words "I hate you" can have the power to reduce any parent to tears or anger. Children know that saying this can paralyze a parent during a fight, which is why they use this tactic to get what they want. In this month"s issue, James Lehman, creator of The Total Transformation Program for parents, demonstrates how to focus the argument back on the issue at hand, and reduce the emotional sting of your child"s words in the process. 2008-06-11 16:01:16 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/Does-Your-Child-Say-This-I-Want-It-Now.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget Do you dread the threat of a temper tantrum, and feel like you give in to your child"s demands in order to avoid an outburst? In this month"s issue, James Lehman, creator of The Total Transformation Program for parents, shows you how to defuse a tantrum by using an effective response aimed at teaching your child that acting out is not the way to meet his needs. 2008-06-11 15:56:56 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/Negotiate-Child-or-Teenagers-Curfew.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget There are times when your thirteen year old may seem like a seasoned litigator, and your kitchen feels like a courtroom. Kids are surprisingly adept at negotiating, and sometimes it's hard to "beat them at their own game." It"s important to teach kids how to negotiate because it"s a necessary life skill, and it helps create kids who can function independently, but they need to learn healthy ways to interact with people to get what they need. What they don"t need to learn is that they can negotiate with you to decrease your power as a parent. In most negotiations, one person has more power than the other. In parenting situations, it"s the child who has less power, and he is looking to be empowered. In conflict situations, it's really that he either wants to do something you don"t want him to do or he doesn"t want to do something you want him to do. 2008-05-28 10:56:48 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/single-parent-family.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget Jill is a single mom of a nine-year-old daughter, whom she"s been raising by herself since Haley was an infant. "The hardest part about being a single parent is having no one else there when Haley acts up. It"s all me. She doesn"t listen to me, and then I just don"t know what to do. I"m really getting anxious about her teenage years. I"m not sure if I can keep her on track by myself, she"s so willful." Jill is far from being alone. Single parenting is one of the toughest jobs on the planet, yet more than 50 percent of households in America are headed by just one parent. Much of the time that parent is working full-time and trying to maintain the home, in addition to everything that comes with raising a child. To make matters worse, often single moms and dads, like Jill, report feeling as if their children aren"t listening to them or following family rules. Coupled with the guilt that many single parents feel, this can be a one-two punch to the faith you have in the job you"re doing as you raise your kids on your own. So what can you do to maintain confidence in yourself and peace in your home? 2008-05-28 10:47:56 Elisabeth Wilkins, Empowering Parents Editor http://www.empoweringparents.com/My-Child-is-Being-Bullied.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget Recently, EP caught up with Peggy Moss, a nationally known expert on bullying and a tireless advocate for the prevention of hate violence. Peggy is also the author of Say Something, an award-winning children"s book that helps parents and educators start conversations with kids about actions children can take when they are being bullied, or are a witness to other kids being tormented at school. 2008-05-28 10:57:33 Elisabeth Wilkins, Empowering Parents Editor http://www.empoweringparents.com/How-to-Give-Kids-Consequences-That-Work.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget A consequence is something that follows naturally from a person"s action, inaction or poor decision. It differs from a punishment in that a punishment is retribution. Punishment is "getting back" at someone, to hurt them back for a hurt they did. When you get a speeding ticket, it"s not a retribution for something you did wrong. It"s a consequence of your poor choices and decisions. When you"re giving a child a consequence, it"s important to make it flow naturally from the child"s choice or action. For example, if your son sleeps late and doesn"t get up for school, the natural consequence is to go to bed earlier that night to get more sleep. The natural consequence isn"t to take his phone for a week. Tell him he has to go to bed early for the next three nights, and then if he can show you he can get up for school, you"ll go back to the later bedtime. 2008-05-28 10:48:27 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/Does-Your-Child-Say-You-Dont-Love-Me.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget Does your child use guilt to manipulate you? In this month"s issue, James Lehman, creator of The Total Transformation Program for parents, shows you how to deflect the guilt by using an effective response that puts the emphasis where it should be: on your child and the importance of following family rules. 2008-06-11 15:56:06 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/responsible-adult.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget What would you say to a Harvard-trained psychologist who told you that your twelve or thirteen-year-old should be allowed to drive, get married, drink alcohol, and join the military and vote, among other things? Well, I thought the same thing until I read The Case Against Adolescence: Rediscovering the Adult in Every Teen and then talked with Dr. Robert Epstein. 2008-06-11 15:55:31 Elisabeth Wilkins, Empowering Parents Editor http://www.empoweringparents.com/parent-with-wallet.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget What kid doesn"t love it when Mom or Dad spends money on them? When you can afford it, buying things for your children is fun. But there"s a point where we buy things for our kids for the wrong reasons: to win their allegiance or simply to get them to stop screaming. Where is the line between generosity and parenting with your wallet, and what"s the danger of crossing that line? James Lehman explains. 2008-05-28 10:58:48 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/homework-survival.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget You graduated from school years ago. But you"re still dealing with homework every night for hours on end, and it"s no fun. If your child refuses to bring work home, won"t do it at night or gives you endless grief when you try to help, Empowering Parents has some answers for you. Here, James Lehman explains how to get your child to do his homework so that you can stop the nightly tug of war and stop doing the work for him. Homework is often a barometer of what"s going on in the child"s life, and it"s easy for parents to misinterpret the issue. Sometimes the child can"t do the work because of a learning disability. Very often, the issue really isn"t the homework. The homework is what we call the "incident." The issue is an unwillingness to do the work. 2008-05-28 11:05:16 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/child-motivation.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget Getting into the back-to-school routine can be hard for everyone in the house. In the morning, parents are faced with groggy kids who won't get out of bed and get ready for school no matter how much you nag, bribe and scold. Homework time can be even worse, with nightly fights and accusations echoing off the walls of your home. So how can you get your child to be more motivated? The important thing to remember is this: your child is motivated they"re just motivated to resist you. Keep reading to find out how you can turn this negative motivation into a positive one. 2007-11-01 19:32:02 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/secret-language.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget When kids act out, they have an arsenal of comments they fire at you in order to put you on the defensive a secret language that"s designed to win them control and absolve them of responsibility. If you take those comments at face value or take them to heart you"ll always be on the defensive, constantly reacting to a child who"s out of control. 2008-06-11 15:54:41 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/Top-Five-Concerns-for-Back-to-School.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget Last month, we invited readers to email us with their "Number One Concern" for their child in the upcoming school year. Our Parental Support Line staff responded to each inquiry with suggestions based on the Total Transformation and Total Focus Programs. Read on to see what you can do to help you and your child get through the school year with flying colors. 2008-05-28 11:06:58 Elisabeth Wilkins, Empowering Parents Editor http://www.empoweringparents.com/managing-meltdown.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget Kids have meltdowns and temper tantrums for two reasons. 1.) Because they have never learned how to manage or have run out of the tools it takes to manage their feelings in a new situation or event. 2.) Because tantrums have worked for them in the past to get what they want pretty quickly. It"s all about learning and developing coping skills from day one with children... here"s why. 2008-05-28 10:59:46 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/jekyll-hyde-child.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget For many children, behavior problems are not universal; they"re targeted. Targeted at dad, at mom, at the stepmother, at the fiance, at a sibling. James Lehman examines why children can be compliant and charming with most people and defiant or even abusive with one person in their crosshairs. 2007-11-02 14:19:33 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/video-games-violence.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget What I typically suggest to parents is that they don"t allow violent video games in their home. If and when the issue comes up, that is actually a good opportunity to talk about their values, how to resolve conflicts and disputes in a non-violent way, which are useful conversations to have with kids. In any case it"s useful to convey your values to your children that violent solutions are not appropriate. Non-violent solutions can almost always be found." 2008-05-28 10:43:50 Elisabeth Wilkins, Empowering Parents Editor http://www.empoweringparents.com/Oppositional-Defiant-Disorder-the-War-at-Home.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget Most parents lack the tools to deal with oppositional defiance. So they generally respond to this behavior with a range of responses that includes negotiating, bargaining, giving in, threatening and screaming. The problem is when you scream, argue or negotiate, you are giving your child"s defiance even more power. 2008-05-28 10:50:26 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/Why-Do-Kids-Children-and-Teens-Lie-What-To-Do-About-It.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget Catching your child in a lie is frustrating, painful and worrisome. What else does he lie about? How can I trust him? James Lehman explains the surprising reason why kids tell lies and a better way for parents to deal with it. 2008-05-28 10:50:56 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/family-adhd.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget All parents want to see their child as the smartest, most capable boy or girl on the block. So why would they want to have a label attached to them that often coveys just the opposite--such as Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder? What a difference one word can make. Suppose we changed the last D in ADHD from "disorder" to "difference." 2008-05-28 11:05:54 Dr. Robert Myers, Child Psychologist http://www.empoweringparents.com/Abusive-Sibling-Rivalry-Families-Children-Teen-Behavior-Problems.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget Children who grow up with a chronically defiant, oppositional sibling grow up in an environment of trauma. According to James Lehman, "It"s traumatizing when something hurtful happens to you, and you can"t control it, you can"t stop it, you can"t predict how hurtful it"s going to be, and you can"t predict when or whether it"s going to happen." Here, he discusses how parents can reduce the traumatic effects of hostile behavior on siblings and how to help "the lost child" in the family. 2008-05-28 10:51:26 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/violence-out-home.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget It"s an undisputed fact that the more violence kids are exposed to, the more desensitized they become to it. But it"s not the violence that"s the problem for families now. It"s the delivery systems used to bring that violence into the home. James Lehman explains how to keep the violence outside your home and away from your kids. 2008-05-28 10:44:23 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/Out-of-Control-Behavior-Should-I-Medicate-My-Child.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget Unfortunately, a diagnosis and medication aren"t always a solution. Medications that target behavior problems are at best a shot in the dark and at worst can have many undesirable side effects and alter the child"s personality. There is a fork in the road that many parents face daily: "We have a behavior problem. Should I medicate my child?" 2008-05-28 11:00:31 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/The-Truth-About-Bullies.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget The public perception of bullying is that bullies are acting out to cover their own fears. They may indeed be afraid, but accepting this as a reason makes bullies sound like victims of their fears -- like we're supposed to feel sorry for them and not hold them responsible for their abusive actions. 2008-05-28 11:10:06 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/Why-Do-Parents-Dismiss-Inappropriate-Behavior-as-a-Phase.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget Will your child "grow out of" the bad behavior? James Lehman takes a look at when it"s a phase and when you need to step in. 2008-05-28 10:45:12 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/disneyland-daddy.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget Mike doesn"t have effective parenting skills and tries to make up for it with deep pockets. He"s also perfectly happy that the kids go back to their mother"s and act out because it"s gratifying for him. 2008-05-28 10:52:57 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/cop-parenting.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget If you and your spouse take opposing roles in dealing with your kids, you"re not alone. Many parents take on the roles of "good cop" and "bad cop" in the family. 2008-06-23 17:03:19 James Lehman, MSW http://www.empoweringparents.com/The-Ripple-Effect-of-Defiant-Behavior-When-Parents-Pay-the-Price.php?pcode=affiliate0231&utm_medium=webaffl&utm_source=affiliate0231&dsource=sas&utm_campaign=articlewidget James Lehman, creator of The Total Transformation Program, examines the effects of acting out behavior on parents and the family, and reveals how to calm the storm in the home. 2008-06-23 17:01:33 James Lehman, MSW